Shadow work questions or shadow work journal prompts are an intense form of self-therapy. They can be used as a powerful tool to help uncover and heal from past traumas which may have led to internal conflicts and unhealthy coping mechanisms. The process of shadow work can lead you on a valuable journey of self discovery and personal growth.
Key Information
- Shadow traits are thought to develop as a primitive response of the unconscious mind, to ensure safety and security in childhood.
- While these traits serve a valuable purpose for the younger self, they become detrimental in adulthood.
- Approaching shadow work with an open mind is a healthy way to challenge the shadow self and the power it holds.
What is Shadow Work?
Shadow work refers to the practice of identifying the perceived negative traits of the shadow self, forgiving ourselves for them, and processing the associated trauma which caused them in the first place in order to heal and grow. This can be achieved in a variety of ways, with one of the most notable being shadow work journaling.
The shadow self comprises the primitive and unconscious aspects of our psyche which develop instinctively, often as a survival mechanism to protect us during ongoing childhood trauma. And while these shadow aspects are generally considered to be toxic traits, this is not always the case.
To understand how this can be, it’s necessary to explain how shadow selves develop…
Depending on the literature you read, you’ll often hear the shadow being cited as one of the main archetypes proposed by psychologist Carl Jung.
However, if you look at the theory in more depth, it becomes apparent that rather than one independent shadow archetype, each different archetype has both an active and passive shadow. In other words, each archetype manifests on a spectrum, with polarising shadows at either end.
What is the Shadow Self?
The shadow self is said to be made up of hidden aspects of the whole self which we reject, deny, or repress.
How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side if I am to be whole.
Psychoanalyst, Carl Jung
The shadow self is often compared to Freud’s ‘Id’, the instinctual and innate element of our personality which is largely unconscious, existing purely to ensure our primitive needs are met. Jung’s work differs slightly, suggesting that our shadow parts develop in response to our childhood experiences, to serve as a protection of those basic needs.
It’s our perceived negative attributes which form our shadow traits, as opposed to inherently bad ones.
As children, any criticism we receive regarding intrinsic aspects of our personality gives rise to feelings of shame and, critically, also threatens our sense of security.
When parents of caregivers show displeasure, children may instinctually fear a loss of their basic needs being met unless they remedy the objectionable behaviour. To preserve safety, the subconscious mind begins the process of repressing undesirable traits.
And so the shadow is created.
According to Jungian psychology, this process means that it’s our perceived negative attributes which form our shadow traits, as opposed to inherently bad ones. For example, being an introvert or extrovert is neither good nor bad. Yet, if you were shamed as child for displaying either behaviour, it may have been consigned to your shadow self.
Any aspect of our true selves that we determine to be inferior, wicked, or otherwise incompatible with our conscious self-image, is disowned and buried, thereby forming part of our shadow side.
Essentially, then, a perceived negative trait which is not inherently bad, is a neglected part of the inner child.
What Do Shadow Traits Look Like?
We’ve discussed the fact that not all attributes hidden in the shadow self are negative or bad, but they are the easiest ones to spot:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Lack of confidence
- Low self-esteem
- Anger
- Jealousy
- Resentment
- Bitterness
- Guilt and Shame
And here’s how some of these characteristics may manifest in day to life:
- Self-sabotage
- Negative inner dialogue
- Defensiveness
- Judgement
- Aggression
- Manipulation
- Codependency
- Addiction
- Power struggles
Identifying the parts of our shadow that are not inherently bad, can be much trickier, however we can find clues by paying attention to how we respond to others. Part of Jung’s theory is psychological projection, meaning that those traits we find most irritating in others are generally ones we ourselves possess, only we repress or deny them.
This is where introspective shadow work can be especially useful, to shine a light on those less obvious shadow parts of ourselves which are likely holding us back, and enjoy the benefits of fully embracing the whole inner self.
Benefits of Shadow Work
At one time, our shadow parts served an important purpose, keeping us safe and preserving our mental health. However, as we mature and grow, their existence becomes detrimental to our wellbeing, showing up in our lives as negative self-talk and self-sabotage.
They can also cause us to be judgemental as we identify our own harmless shadow traits in others and label them as objectionable.
Everyone carries a shadow and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.
Carl Jung
With this in mind, it becomes clear that bringing the dark side of our inner world into the light is a valuable journey of self-discovery. It has the potential to foster better relationships and facilitate profound personal development towards an integrated and cohesive, best version of the self.
Taking the time to actively challenge the shadow self is a healing process which ultimately removes its power.
The transformative power of shadow work can also provide:
- Increased understanding of yourself
- Clearer sense of self and personal values
- Reduced judgement of yourself and others
- Better communication with others
- Enhanced ability to set healthy boundaries
- Improved insight into your triggers
- Improved romantic relationships
- Integration of conscious and unconscious traits
- Acceptance of our whole, true self
- Enhanced state of wellbeing.
Shadow work is uncomfortable, precisely because it involves confronting the undesirable parts of the self which have been disowned – they comprise the elements of the psyche that we deem too ugly or painful to share, or even consciously acknowledge. But, taking the time to actively challenge the shadow self is a healing process which ultimately removes its power.
There are many effective ways to begin your shadow work journey, but my personal favourite is using deep shadow work prompts. Journaling is a powerful form of self-therapy and an excellent method for developing self-awareness in daily life.
75+ Effective Shadow Work Questions
The following shadow work prompts have been designed to encourage you to dig deep, with the goal being to both identify and challenge negative underlying beliefs, and heal the inner child wounds which led to the development of the shadow traits.
This is not an easy process – it’s not supposed to be. If you’re doing shadow work correctly, expect it to be uncomfortable. But trust that the deeper you go, the greater its value.
For beginners, daily practice tackling one journal prompt each day is a great first step to avoid overwhelm or burnout.
- What do you wish people better understood about you?
i) Why do you think people tend to have this misconception about you and how could you portray yourself differently so you would feel better understood? - What makes you feel empty? How do you tend to fill that void?
i) What are some healthy strategies you might develop to overcome feelings of emptiness? - Who is most influential in your life?
i) Is that objectively healthy? (This is not a leading question, the correct answer might be yes or no.) If you recognise that it’s unhealthy, why do you allow them to hold such power? - Who do you envy?
i) Why?
ii) How might you be able to work towards gaining the things that you feel envious about? - What does freedom mean to you and do you feel free in your current life?
- What areas of your life give you the most purpose?
- Think about the people closest to you. What would you change in your relationship, if you could, to create a better relationship (perhaps something to do with the way you resolve conflicts)?
i) Do these changes require them to change, or is this something you could attempt to instigate? For example, more frequent / less frequent calls or visits.
ii) Based on this exercise, is there anything you could consider improving in yourself to help? - What makes you feel most valued?
- At the end of your life, how would you most like to be remembered?
- How do you think people would describe you if you weren’t listening?
i) How do you feel about that? - Nobody enjoys experiencing bad feelings. What is the very worst emotion to experience for you personally (hurt, anger, rejection, betrayal, jealousy, etc.)? Why?
i) Where does that stem from?
ii) What triggers those feelings now? - What circumstances are you judgemental of?
i) Think about a hypothetical situation in which you’d agree somebody could behave in a way you’d usually judge, yet be entirely innocent. - When was the last time you felt let down?
i) Examine how you felt and whether it was truly rational, or if you were triggered. - Do you have healthy boundaries in your relationships?
i) Do you feel any relationship in your life could benefit from stronger boundaries?
ii) Explore what might be preventing you from enforcing your boundaries with this person – what are you afraid of?
iii) Can you say with complete honesty that you respect the boundaries of others? - List out your core values.
i) Does the way you live your life align with those values? What could you change to be more in harmony with them?
ii) How do they compare with the values of your childhood caregivers?
iii) Do they align with the people you surround yourself with now? - Describe yourself with objectivity.
i) How easy was this task? Do you know who you truly are?
ii) Do you like who you are? - Think about your friendships. Which ones make you feel safe, secure, and loved?
i) Do you have any in which you feel unheard, pressured, or otherwise uncomfortable?
ii) Examine why this may be and if you have a negative history. Do you think the friendship is salvageable? - How do compliments make you feel? Think about how you respond to them and make a concerted effort to learn to simply say ‘thank you’, if you don’t already do this.
- Which relationships in your life no longer serve you? Be ruthless – nobody else will see this.
i) Do any current relationships feel obligatory or dutiful? Consider how you’d feel if you allowed those relationships to dissolve, then think about whether they’re worth trying to salvage, and how you may be able to do that. - What are your best and worst habits?
i) Think about how you can begin to break any bad habits, replacing them with better ones. - In your opinion, what are the worst traits a person can have?
i) When is a time you have demonstrated these traits? What drove you to them? - What authority figures (individuals as opposed to institutions) did you respect growing up?
i) What qualities did/do they possess?
ii) Do you share those traits? How might you develop/enhance them? - Who do you feel inferior to?
i) Objectively explore whether they have intentionally made you feel this way, or if it’s your own feelings of inadequacy creating that illusion.
ii) How do you think they view you or feel about you? Why? - Who has let you down the most in your life?
i) Are they still around? How do you feel about that? - What’s you attachment style?
i) Why do you think this is? Examine your relationship with your caregivers as a child.
ii) How are your relationships with your caregivers now? How could they be improved? - What’s the most hurtful thing you’ve ever done to yourself?
i) How do you feel about this now?
ii) Write yourself a compassionate letter apologising. - How do you view asking for help?
i) Is it a sign of strength or weakness? Why is this? - What makes you self-conscious around others?
- How do you feel about confrontation?
i) Do you consider yourself to be confrontational? Why? Is this something you’re proud of or would you prefer to be different?
ii) Would others be more likely to describe you as confrontational or a pushover? How would you prefer to be viewed? - Think of a relationship you’ve walked away from. Write down the reasons it’s been a positive life choice.
- What is your definition of failure?
i) What makes these circumstances so terrible?
ii) Imagine yourself in this situation. Write down five things you believe people would think about you.
iii) Now write down five things you would hope people would think of you. - How does drama make you feel?
i) Are you dramatic yourself?
ii) Do other people describe you as dramatic? How do you feel about this? - Which of your traits do you find it difficult to accept? Explore why this is.
i) Do you accept these traits in others? Do others readily accept these traits?
ii) Think of somebody who shares these characteristics with you. Write down three things you admire about them.
iii) These traits do not define you; write down three different ways that you are more than these characteristics.
- Have you ever had your heart broken? How has that impacted your subsequent relationships?
i) Have you ever broken somebody’s heart? How did that effect you at the time, and what did you learn from the experience? - Do you have or have you had recurring nightmares? What’s the theme? What might it relate to?
i) How might you face the fear causing your nightmare? - What’s the worst way you’ve been taken advantage of or let down in your lifetime?
i) Think about the person who treated you that way, and consider their circumstances. What do you think drove them to it?
ii) If you don’t know enough about them to answer this question, imagine what their story might be. Write it down, with the mindset that nobody is born evil. Terrible life experiences do not excuse terrible behaviours, but they can help you to forgive and make peace. Keep in mind that forgiveness is for you, not them. - Now imagine somebody else is working through the previous exercise and they are picturing you.
i) Who is the person, and what did you do to them?
ii) What were your circumstances at the time? Write a letter to the person explaining your actions and apologising. (You don’t have to send it unless you want to.)
iii) Have you forgiven yourself? Imagine the person writing their letter to you, and then forgiving you. Take a deep breath, and as you exhale breathe out any feelings of guilt you’ve been holding onto. - Without thinking too deeply, what’s your gut reaction to the question ‘Do people respect you’?
i) Why do you think this is?
ii) How do you feel about this? - How are you letting yourself down at this time in your life?
i) How could you be better to yourself? Consider your health, finances, relationships, work, etc. - What is most likely to make you doubt yourself?
i) Why do you lack confidence in this area? - Thinking about your proudest achievements, what would you most like to be recognised for? This doesn’t have to be a professional achievement, though it might be.
i) Do you feel that you are recognised for this? If not, why not? - Do you generally feel less than, better than, or equal to others? Explore this.
- With whom or in which situations do you find yourself slipping on a mask or embodying a different persona?
i) What do you think would happen if you exposed your true self?
ii) Now imagine that somebody close to you is not their true self with you. How does that make you feel? - Negative traits tend to develop in childhood as a defence mechanism. They’re useful at the time, but not as adults. List your least desirable traits.
i) Where do they come from?
ii) Think about their purpose for your younger self, and write about more positive and productive behaviours you could use as an adult instead.
iii) Think about others you know who display these traits too. How do they make you feel? If there’s a negative association, make a promise to yourself to remember to look past the trait to the vulnerability behind it in future – we do not know other people’s stories. If you notice that you already respond to these people with compassion, explore the reasons you’re unable to do that for yourself. - What is the biggest lie you tell yourself? What are you hiding from yourself, and why?
- When you are alone, what does the voice of your inner self sound like? Is it positive or negative?
i) Consider whose voice that truly is.
ii) Write a letter to the person who became your inner voice, thanking them if they champion you, or challenging them if they are critical. (You do not have to send it unless you want to.) - What was the last uncharitable thought you had? Did you voice it?
i) Were you being unfairly judgemental? - Which traits would you least wish to be described as having?
i) Why would it be so terrible?
ii) Do you exhibit those traits, and if so, how can you begin to grow and change to be more at peace with yourself? - Who have you previously had conflict with and allegedly resolved it, but you remain wary of since?
i) How did they make you feel? What worries you about the relationship now?
ii) Who have you resolved conflict with and now enjoy a healthy relationship? What’s different in this situation? - Think about a time you were manipulative. Explore the feeling behind the behaviour – what need made you behave that way? Have you overcome that underlying need?
- What’s your biggest fear? Where do you think it comes from?
i) How might you be able to challenge that fear in a safe environment? - Think about toxic relationships you have currently or have had previously. What’s the common theme?
i) Why do you think you find yourself in this kind of dynamic?
ii) How can you recognise and avoid allowing this type of unhealthy relationship to develop? - Who dislikes you or treats you poorly or with disrespect?
i) How does it make you feel?
ii) Where does this attitude or behaviour come from?
iii) Being very honest, is it deserved? Do you owe this person an apology?
iv) If you do, write them a letter apologising sincerely. (You do not have to send it unless you want to.)
v) Write this sentence down ten times: Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business. - What makes you feel unsafe? Explore this.
- What could have made your childhood better? How do you feel about that?
- Who do you hold a grudge against?
i) What is stopping you from letting it go? How can you aim to get past the resentment? - Think about a time you felt betrayed. Have you made peace with the person involved? Write them a letter explaining how it made you feel, and forgiving them. Keep in mind that forgiveness is for you and not them. (You do not have to send it unless you want to.)
- Thinking about the previous exercise; now consider when you may have behaved similarly. Has the person involved treated you as though you betrayed them? Either way, write them a letter apologising. (You do not have to send it unless you want to.)
- What similar trait or traits do you share with your parents or childhood caregivers?
i) Is this a conscious decision? In what ways would you like to emulate them?
ii) How do you actively choose (or try) to be different? Why? - What’s your biggest regret in life?
i) How might you be able to make peace with that? Think about your circumstances at the time and give yourself permission to be okay with the fact that you took the best path that was available to you. - What’s your worst childhood memory?
i) Who was there? Does a specific person stand out?
ii) How did they comfort you or make it worse?
iii) What would you like to say to them? Write them a letter. (You do not have to send it unless you want to.) - Do you have any other traumatic childhood memories?
- Who do you owe an apology to? Make a list of everyone you can think of, even if it’s from a different time in your life.
i) If anybody springs to mind, write them a letter. (You do not have to send it unless you want to.) - Draw out a timeline of your life to date, featuring the most memorable and impactful experiences, both good and bad.
i) Why do each of these events feature?
i) How has each of these events shaped you as a person? - What things are triggers for you?
i) Consider where those irrational and negative feelings stem from and how you can begin to process and make peace with the original traumatic event. - What are your most shameful memories?
i) Think about the person you were at that time, the circumstances that led to your behaviour, what you learned from the situation, and how you’ve changed since.
ii) Now write out the words ‘I did the best I could at the time and I forgive myself’. - Think again about those memories of shame. Close your eyes and take yourself back to when you were at your very lowest. Relive the feelings of that time. Now look around you and see how far you’ve come.
i) Consider your past self as you would perhaps a younger sibling, from a position of honesty and compassion. Write your past self a letter, demonstrating understanding and forgiveness. - Who owes you an apology?
i) Why? What did they do? Is it possible you misinterpreted the situation?
ii) Have you attempted to communicate your feelings? If not, why not? What’s stopping you from reaching out to them?
iii) If you feel unable to discuss the situation with them, write yourself a letter from their perspective, providing the apology you need to move on. Now take a deep breath, and as you exhale breathe out any resentment you’ve been holding onto. If necessary for your own wellbeing, consider removing this person from your life if you’ve not already done so. - How does it make you feel to think about yourself as child?
i) Was your childhood generally positive or negative?
ii) Who made you feel safe and who let you down?
iii) Who were you close to? - Who regularly belittles or downplays your emotions?
i) How does it make you feel? Do you think they are aware of how they make you feel? What do you think drives their behaviour? - Are there any situations in your family for which there’s an unwritten rule that this topic is not spoken about? What impact has it had/does it continue to have on your life?
- What one thing could somebody say to you to bring you to your knees?
i) Why do those words hold so much power?
ii) How can you begin to take the power out of those words? - What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?
i) What drove you to it?
ii) Have you taken responsibility for it? Are you afraid of being honest?
iii) Examine why this is and whether it’s truly valid.
iv) Are you protecting yourself or others?
v) Could being open about it help to bring you peace?
vi) How might you atone for it? - Who has hurt you the most in your life?
i) Write them a letter telling them all the things you’d like to say. (You don’t have to send it unless you want to.) - What situation in your life do you most wish had had a different outcome?
i) How do you believe your life would be different today?
ii) List the ways your life is both better and worse for it not having worked out your preferred way.
Why Should You Practice Shadow Work?
Self-awareness of the root causes of our emotional reactions has the capacity to change our fundamental beliefs about ourselves.
As we’ve already discussed above, there are many benefits to shadow work.
Essentially, the process of shadow work is a wonderful way to help identify and soothe the negative emotions and resulting inner conflicts created by difficult past experiences. The tough questions above are designed to be hard to work through, with the goal of helping you to become your best self.
Self-awareness of the root causes of our emotional reactions has the capacity to change our fundamental beliefs about ourselves, for the better. And in turn, this can carry through to our behaviours, making for healthier relationships with ourselves and others.
For further help with combatting your shadow traits and achieving self love, please reach out to a licensed therapist.
Sources
- Newsome, R. (2022). Walking with shadows: Writing trauma, short fiction and Jungian psychoanalysis [Abstract].
https://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/intellect/fict/2022/00000012/00000001/art00006 - The Jungian model of the psyche. (n.d.).
http://journalpsyche.org/jungian-model-psyche/